YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
