3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
