I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my being single is dangerous.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
