party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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