i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
