apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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