I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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