so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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