You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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