I never want to see another naked old woman again.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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