Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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