Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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