one might say we're banned from that church
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
