Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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