matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
