it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
