I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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