too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
