I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
