I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
