walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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