I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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