Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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