why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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