I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
