Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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