do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
