he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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