So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
