I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
