Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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