and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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