u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
