My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
