bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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