Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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