you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So much rum. So many feels.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
