Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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