My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
