hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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