When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
