I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
