its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
