She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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