Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
