:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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