My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
