i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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