what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
