Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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