Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
handjob tips. give me some.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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