I'm passing your future prison.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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