You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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