She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My ATM looks so different sober.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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