we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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