I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
