I just saw a hot homeless man
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
