I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
