This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
