he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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