i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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