just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
