How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
