Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
