good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
