Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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