i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
