Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
