I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
