i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
