im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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