is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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