Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
