Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
