Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize