I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
