just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
