How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We are all done wearing pants today
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
