Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
