You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They took my balls.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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