This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize