Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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