We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
