i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
