God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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