I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
